I love being an old bachelor
I can do just what I please
Sit around in my underwear
Drink whiskey and walk on my knees

I can do whatever I want
Talk to beautiful women with ease
Not beholden to any piss-ant
Who would tend to get riled and displeased

I’m thinking of taking up hang-gliding
And I may try dipping some snuff

Not that I really do all these things
Just the thought alone is enough

I never really get lonely here
In my personal Taj Mahal
I never realized in my later years
I would be having such a ball!

Perhaps it won’t last forever
Sometimes it feels so nice
When I see my sweetheart lady friend
With whom I can share some spice.

Can I help being a happy man?
Life delivers such delights!
Now I’ll go for a walk in cool spring woods
While dreaming of warm summer nights.